THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU DURING COVID

Let’s face it – the Covid lockdown is tough on everyone.

You start having to spend all your time with your loved ones and suddenly have to make intelligent conversation with each other.

And your poor pets.

They suddenly have you loitering around 24/7 in their homes.

And you don’t just feed them and piss off – you will want to bond and talk to them and say how much you love and appreciate them.

People are cooped up. And they start looking for things to do.

So it’s kinda interesting to see what people get up to during the Covid Lockdown.

People start featuring their pets

Some of the owners will start embarrassing challenges on Facebook showing pictures of their pets for 10 days.

They will appear nonchalant and pretend they are only doing this because they were nominated by someone else to do it.

Dumb ass – your friend is as dumb as you. Both of you nominate each other because you have no lives.

Some dogs have gone into hiding because of this.

Men start Grooming and growing beards.

We say beard but of course the chinese men need a bit more time. They grow 7 strands in a month and theirs are a bit disorganised.

A few strands also tend to be curly and long and needs to be plucked out using two 10 cents coins. It is a labour of love.

So what you see are your Malay, Indian and Eurasian friends showing off their lustrous beards.

You chinamen will have to rub coconut oil to coax it and wait until August 2028 to join in.

Go hunt for this

People start asking you to look for objects like pandas and bicycles.

And because you don’t want to look like a dumb ass, you will pretend that you found it as well.

People – there is no small black and white puppy. It’s not there.

Stop pretending that the smudge you found with your inflamed eyes makes you one of the enlightened ones.

Why ? Cos that’s a bowl of colourful M&Ms dumb ass !

They are twice the size of your pea brains for you to believe that you can find a black and white puppy in there.

People start cooking

Yes that’s right.

You have not cooked a day in your life for the last 35 years and suddenly during this covid lockdown, you now whip up meals a la Alan Ducasse ?

Wait – you made all that ?

I could have sworn I had that at Atout Restaurant not too long ago.

Tai Tais and their Thermomix

Tai Tais want to jump on this cooking trend but has decided that it will destroy their nails.

Also – so unglam as they will start perspiring and their Mary Kay and Nu Skin will start to smear.

Then they discovered this thing called The Thermomix.

Suddenly everything is so easy to make.

These Tai Tais swear that Thermie is the best thing in this whole world next to sliced bread (which Thermie can also make easily).

Basically it is a wonder machine. Suddenly, the Tai Tais can make all sorts of food just by pressing buttons stylishly and sip champagne.

And they MUST demonstrate how it’s done.

You get your helper Maria to prep, chop, dice, boil and strain for 24 hours the night before.

The Tai Tai is also very stressed the night before because she must choose which Herve Leger Bandage dress to wear when she does “the Demo.”

Of course the Demo must be done in your designer home, lighting must be good, and everything is so chic and all white.

You drop the ingredients in Thermie ever so stylishly, set Thermie for a 6 hour cycle then go off and do your hair.

When the Tai Tais return 6 hours later with coiffed hair, Thermie has prepared a heavenly seven course meal and also promoted world peace.

Of course what they don’t say in their cute videos is that Thermie has their sous chefs being the army of domestic helpers who have had to chop and prep for hours on end.

Thermie just has to stir leisurely for 4 hours and takes all the credit.

The Thermomix gang has goes into overdrive during the lockdown, and the movement is so strong there is a rumour that they will register as a political party for the next general election.

Their slogan – Jio Me.

Their better halves are pretty much ignored who have gone away to grow beards and watch K Drama.

The Men

There is some murmuring that husbands with Dad bods are taking off their shirts daily at 430 pm and zooming each other to practise dance moves together.

If they don’t die but survive this, they will be performing at hawker centres and Void Decks once the lockdown is lifted.

They are calling themselves MRT (their biggest rival is BTS) and will be putting on manly make-up and speaking in a distinctly K-bu fashion.

But still with Masks on.

They are nothing if not socially responsible.

Well – most are just embarrassed and don’t want their friends to spot them.

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