THE MOTHER IN LAW – She will impeach you.

Mother in laws are a maligned lot.

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Even your dog gets in the action and disses her.

Dogs are loyal creatures. I freaking love dogs.

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So why is it exactly that there are so many jokes about the mother in law ?

Well as a starting point, most mother in laws always think you are a slob who will never be good enough for her precious baby.

It is the female psyche at work.

Mother in law is nuclear

But it isn’t just that. Let’s be clear – your mother in law will always be on your wife’s side. Firmly.

And from the time you marry her daughter, she starts the 27 year assessment and belittling report on you.

And what is worse is that your wife uses her like Kim Jong-Un uses his missiles.

You: Honey the boys are organising a poker game at Harry’s this weekend. Ok if I go?

Wife: I can’t tell you what to do. Do what your heart desires.

You : Errr only if it’s ok with you . You’re not upset are you?

Wife: Upset ? Why should I be upset ?

You: I don’t have to go if you………..

Wife: I’m going to my mother’s ……

The Impeachment- MIL presiding

So you know your wife will unload on to her mother who will be judging you.

There will be no rules of natural justice.

The 2 of them will be Judge Jury and Executioner.

Sometimes the proceedings will just involve the two of them, but more likely with her sisters, aunts and 37 female friends.

She will summon them whenever her daughter is unhappy with you.

Tea will be served. There will be goodie bags. The ladies will wear large hats and pearls.

Most of them will wear black.

They will come angry and ready to judge.

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Your Mother in law will preside and will always give the opening speech about her useless two bit son in law who was lucky enough to snag her darling baby, but not appreciate her.

Other women will take their turns to say how her description of you reminds them of their own useless husband.

Tempers will rise. All 37 ladies will be livid with their own husbands and with you.

An Effigy will be burned at the end.

Together with your favourite Jersey.

You need to get your Mother in law on your side

So your mother in law is number one enemy to you and your dog (your dog backs you no matter what).

But maybe you just need to be nicer to her?

Imagine , just imagine, a world where your mother in law defends you.

“Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only Sky

Your mother in law is your wife”s last bastion of defence and she is the only one your wife listens to.

And yet she defends you. If you can just get her on your side.

Wake up …………………

Wake up …………………

There is no such heaven

Wake up ………………..

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…………… wake up hooman your mother in law and some strange ladies are setting fire to your car.

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