KUAN’s CURRY

There is one place in the world that serves the best Indian curry.

It is particularly good because it is something which money can’t buy.

You first need to know Wai Kuan and Sanjay, a delightful couple who opens up their cosy home to friends to feast on Kuan’s cooking.

Kuan has inherited the recipes passed down from Sanjay’s Malayalee family and the dishes are one of a kind. I think along the way, Kuan has added her own touch so the dishes are truly unique – you just can’t find the dishes in any restaurants in this part of the world.

Kuan is a perfectionist so every curry dinner at her house is elaborate and time consuming. So it doesn’t happen often.

They have been my closest friends for a good 35 years so in the last 35 years, I’ve used every excuse to shamelessly get her to cook her curry for me.

I wonder if she suspects?

Here are just some of the shameless excuses I’ve used:

1. Sanjay told me he wants curry but he’s afraid to ask. He tells me the beatings have become more frequent and he’s terrified of you.

2. Sanjay is working out unnecessarily, dressing like a dandy and spouting more bad poetry than normal. I think the conceited pig is having an affair.

We need to talk. Maybe over a curry?

3. My date wants to eat curry (I’ve used this a lot). Then when I bring them, Kuan embraces them whole heartedly, they become Facebook friends and they have a direct line to her.

That’s why I break up often.

4. My kids misses your curry (this is a powerful one that sends Kuan to the market the moment it is uttered so I use it sparingly).

5. It’s my birthday Kuan (sometimes I use it twice a year when Kuan is not alert).

6. I just attended a funeral (family member, family dog, friend of friends, Mother/Father of friends of friends 3 times removed) and I’m emotionally distressed and suicidal.

Your curry will help.

7. I want to write in my blog about a certain dish in your curry repertoire but it’s been so damn long since you last cooked I have absolutely no recollection of the dishes (hmm I can probably use this a few times a year – good one)

8. I’ve just gone to the doctor. He’s not happy with my health. I’ve been given statins and a strict curry only diet.

What’s cooking ? Oh you’re cooking curry- that’s the only thing I can eat!

8. I’ve been converted to a mama years ago with solemn rites and born again as RajaLingam with certain privileges. So cook the damn curry woman!

The other strategy I have is that I’m extremely charming to their other friends. So I insidiously wriggle into their different groups of friends.

“What a charming guy! He’s so nice …”

Bah !! You think I’m a people’s person ?

You just increase my curry frequency ratio dude.

Why, do you ask, do I go to such lengths?

I’m going to let the pictures answer that one.

Yes that’s all her cooking.

So how do you have a chance to be invited for her curry did you say?

You have to go through me.

We have decided that they have too many friends (it increases our waiting time for curry) so god forbid if you think I’m going to introduce you.

Be patient and don’t miss church, I will inform you if there’s an opening at the next curry dinner (unlikely though).

But if you’re hot, send a pic. It will drastically reduce your waiting time.

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